By Clara Hamel
As a mental health therapist I frequently am asked, “How do you do what you do?” People assume it is an emotionally and mentally exhausting job. The truth is, sometimes it is, but most of the time it restores me. My job helps me remember how strong, resilient and compassionate most humans are. It also helps me see how connected we are simply by being human. People want to love and be loved, be treated with respect, and made to feel valued and safe. These are important truths and when we recognize the human race is connected by these threads they can be used to weave a tapestry of connection, empathy and compassion. This knowledge and recognition of human unity can bridge differences, build relationships and decrease conflict.
So why does it feel humanity is so far from this utopian ideal? It could be the recurrent emphasis placed on dualistic thinking. In mental health this is often simplistically broken down as black and white thinking. We see these ideals reflected all around us from religion (the sinner and the saved) and politics (left versus right) to socioeconomic status (rich versus poor). Assumptions are made of the opposing group, such as they are morally inferior, intellectually incompetent, or lazy and unmotivated. Not only does this line of thinking provide a false sense of superiority but it also takes complex social and theological issues and compacts them into a singular concept, good versus bad. Unfortunately, people often cling to erroneous thoughts of separation or supremacy like Gollum to his “Precious” ring — and just like Gollum, what we believe gives us power is truthfully a destructive force that fuels division, conflict and inequality. (Hopefully there are a lot of “Lord of the Rings” fans out there to understand this reference.)
Part of dualistic thinking is human nature. From an evolutionary standpoint, it was beneficial to make quick decisions. It helped humans stay safe and recognize friend versus foe. However, life is rarely this simplistic and holding on to dualistic thought can prevent us from understanding the richness of human connection. This isn’t to say one should embrace thoughts or actions contrary to their own ethics or moral code for the sake of unity. It is more about recognizing that most people are guided by a similar compass: do no harm, care for others, and live and let live with dignity. The separation comes in how a person interpretswhat harm looks like, what is needed to live with dignity, and how others should be cared for. The difference in interpretation is shaped by an individual’s culture, beliefs and experiences. While one does not have to adopt another’s interpretation of moral and ethical codes, we can listen. We can extend dignity and respect to others’ views and consider what experiences and influences have shaped their beliefs. After all, true connection does not require agreement, it only requires the willingness to recognize the humanity in each other. When we take time to truly be attentive to this, we can recognize the common threads binding humanity together and begin to weave that tapestry of meaningful connection.
Dr. Justin Hamel and Clara Hamel have a combined over 30 years of experience in health fields. Reach them at 1° Performance & Longevity, located at 46 N. Central Park Plz., Suite 101, in Jacksonville, on Facebook or by phone at 217-243-6358.
