By Jay Jamison
I got a new badminton racket the other day. The old one, which has served me well over many years, was just worn out. Stop laughing. I realize the mental image of me playing badminton is right up there with that of a roller-skating rhinoceros. The images may be funny, but the idea of these thoughts becoming a reality is highly improbable. And, I might add, I don’t own a badminton racket to whack shuttlecocks over a net. A badminton racket is an integral part of my bat kit. My bat kit consists of a medium sized, flat-bottomed paper bag, two 18-inch sticks of wooden molding or aluminum strapping, and a badminton racket. With these simple items it is possible to extricate flying bats that on rare occasions wind up in my home. I’ve been pressed into using my bat kit enough times in the last decade or so, that the old racket is losing some of its nylon strings.
A faint noise that I have come to identify with a flying bat, is usually my first indication of its presence. Sometimes the little intruder wakes me up in the middle of the night, and I find it circling a room when I turn on the light. This is followed by me saying some simple expressions that are unsuited for this publication. I get out of bed, grab my bat kit, and deploy my badminton racket. The method of bat extraction is simple, however, sometimes the application can be a bit tricky. A panicked bat circling a room looking for a way out can sometimes be hard to hit. My method is to whack the bat just enough to make it fall to the floor. Then I quickly and gently lay the stringed head of the racket over the downed bat, making it almost impossible for it to spread its wings and fly off again. That works well, so long as the little critter doesn’t try to climb through the loose strings of an old worn-out racket. About a week ago, a bat almost succeeded in doing just that.
Once on the floor, the bat is sept into the paper bag, which is stood up on its flat bottom, so the bat can’t fly off, and also so it can’t climb out. Roll up the top of the bag, take the bag outside, and drop the bat some distance from the house. This technique has worked well for me in the last twenty years of dealing with our furry, flying friends. I don’t want to kill bats, I only want them out of my house. So, in a sense I have been playing a game on these rare occasions — let’s call it batminton.
I take care not to touch bats when I bring them down and get them into the paper bag. It’s a good policy to never touch a bat. These very beneficial creatures are also wild animals, and in rare cases they may be rabid. So, take care.
Some dark evening, when you may have had a few, and you see me at home with all the lights on, flailing around with a badminton racket, you won’t have to toss the bottle and take the pledge. I’m just trying to extract an unwelcomed flying intruder. However, if you see a vision of a rhinoceros on roller skates, well yes, then it’s time to take the pledge.
