1.0The Sourcehttps://the-source.netrich600338<blockquote class="wp-embedded-content" data-secret="vWulna17G0"><a href="https://the-source.net/gnats-rats/">Gnats? Rats!</a></blockquote><iframe sandbox="allow-scripts" security="restricted" src="https://the-source.net/gnats-rats/embed/#?secret=vWulna17G0" width="600" height="338" title="“Gnats? Rats!” — The Source" data-secret="vWulna17G0" frameborder="0" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" class="wp-embedded-content"></iframe><script type="text/javascript"> /*! This file is auto-generated */ !function(c,l){"use strict";var e=!1,o=!1;if(l.querySelector)if(c.addEventListener)e=!0;if(c.wp=c.wp||{},c.wp.receiveEmbedMessage);else if(c.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if(!t);else if(!(t.secret||t.message||t.value));else if(/[^a-zA-Z0-9]/.test(t.secret));else{for(var r,s,a,i=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret="'+t.secret+'"]'),n=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret="'+t.secret+'"]'),o=0;o<n.length;o++)n[o].style.display="none";for(o=0;o<i.length;o++)if(r=i[o],e.source!==r.contentWindow);else{if(r.removeAttribute("style"),"height"===t.message){if(1e3<(s=parseInt(t.value,10)))s=1e3;else if(~~s<200)s=200;r.height=s}if("link"===t.message)if(s=l.createElement("a"),a=l.createElement("a"),s.href=r.getAttribute("src"),a.href=t.value,a.host===s.host)if(l.activeElement===r)c.top.location.href=t.value}}},e)c.addEventListener("message",c.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener("DOMContentLoaded",t,!1),c.addEventListener("load",t,!1);function t(){if(o);else{o=!0;for(var e,t,r,s=-1!==navigator.appVersion.indexOf("MSIE 10"),a=!!navigator.userAgent.match(/Trident.*rv:11\./),i=l.querySelectorAll("iframe.wp-embedded-content"),n=0;n<i.length;n++){if(!(r=(t=i[n]).getAttribute("data-secret")))r=Math.random().toString(36).substr(2,10),t.src+="#?secret="+r,t.setAttribute("data-secret",r);if(s||a)(e=t.cloneNode(!0)).removeAttribute("security"),t.parentNode.replaceChild(e,t);t.contentWindow.postMessage({message:"ready",secret:r},"*")}}}}(window,document); </script> https://the-source.net/wp-content/uploads/gnat.jpg500560The gnats, the gnats, the blasted gnats, the damnedable, cannibal gnats are back. The pitiless, hideous, awfully insidious, the most ignominious gnats are back. All nattily dressed in their hard ugly shells they descend on a whim like a bug out of hell. as they nibble and chew and they scratch and they bite, and they make their cruel homes wherever they might. No child can escape them, no mother can run, no father, no uncle, no itchy grandson can hope to avoid this yearly bug-blight and no one can bear it when this pest alights. They crawl into places you thought you had hidden and make their small gnat-homes totally unbidden. They cluster on hands, on elbows, on faces and find their wee ways to the most private places. They’ve picked the Midwest from all of the nation to crawl up your shorts and take their vacations. No child in New Jersey must hide near his father and people in Utah are not even bothered. Virginians have never suffered their sting and folks in Nebraska haven’t heard of the things. While they drive us all crazy in this home of Jules Sturtevant the rest of the nation has not even heard of ‘em. Their botanical name is labeled Simulidae but no matter the name its never a holiday when these tiny demons descend on your back as you slap and you curse and you wisk and you whack. The bugs get their names from the hump on their rear but it’s small consolation when covering your ear you find a gnat nation like a swarm or a flood happily slurping and sucking your blood. After one single meal the girl of the species will lay 500 or so eggs (makes me queasy), and I’m not being sexist; I believe in “Me Too,” but only the females can bite you and chew you. The males of the species have mouths much too small to bite you; in fact, they don’t like blood at all. So while all the females take plasma that’s ours the males of the tribe spend their time sucking flowers. There’s one consolation to this awful blight: the Buffalo gnat doesn’t fly much at night. I guess that no matter the curse of the pest even a demon must get her due rest. Vanilla repels them (the spray, not the shake) but to really deter them you’d need a whole cake. And scientists say (and they’re quite often right) that the carbon monoxide of breathing just might attract the wee terrorists scaling your nose and crawling into other less mentionable holes, so the only real cure to this itching and seething is stop where you are and simply quit breathing. But there’s no need to whimper, no need to cry. These God-awful things will die in July, and if you believe there’s a heaven for flies (I doubt it, if you don’t, I won’t criticize) then surely this small gnat will not earn a spot, instead deserving a place where it’s hot. Heaven may host the flowers and rain but the Buffalo gnat will find Satan’s domain the appropriate place in the earth, near the bottom where the Devil can duck ‘em and dodge ‘em and swat ‘em.