I was such a perfect mom before I had kids! I had all the right ideas, the perfect answers, not to mention that my kids were perfectly perfect little people full of respect, and happy to help. Ummmmm, then I had a baby, and another, and then another. I find myself making lazy decisions, I find myself yelling, and look, they are yelling back. I find that I am constantly trying to enforce personality and character on my children. Of course, I would never say that is what I am trying to do, but I want this one to be more outgoing, and this one to be more outspoken, and this one to be more stubborn. Does this one struggle in school because I ate too much tuna when I was pregnant? Did I read to this one enough for the first three years? Was I too hard on her? Not only am I trying to find a reason for their struggles and a place to put the blame, but I also realize that I really am trying to change who they are. I find that a lot of my worry stems from WHO I want my kids to be, more than what decisions they are making. If I can let go of who I want them to be, and embrace who they are, I worry less. Yes? So why am I having so much trouble with this? Is it not my job to cookie cut them into the perfect adults I imagine them to be? The simple answer is no, I am learning I cannot change who they are. I can only guide them to be good, make good choices, and make informed decisions. My job is not to change them, but to guide them. Is this going to stop me from laying awake at night with worry? No way! However, it is going to help me embrace who they are. This one is shy, but oh so kind and aware of others feelings. She will be and is a fantastic friend. This one is a born leader, and certainly will succeed in all he attempts. That one may struggle in school, but her love and gift with music is a blessing that will give back.
I can’t stop myself from worrying about these little people, but I can change how I teach them.
Let go a little, let it be, and just love them for who they are, and stop the yelling!