I am overwhelmed with my work, my kids and my family. My mind never stops running through all of the responsibilities I have. A few days ago I realized I had reached my overflow. I was in the store for about an hour, paid for my items, and scrimmaged through my black hole of a purse for my car keys. They were gone. Thinking they must have fallen out of the cart I back tracked my steps and went to the lost and found. NO KEYS. Did I leave them in the car? I wouldn’t do that? I have never done that! As I walked to the car I noticed exhaust coming out of the pipe. That’s weird; someone parked where I thought I parked, that has the same car as me. Um, no. I left my car running and unlocked for over an hour. I am 35 years old and I have got to get my stuff in order. Everyone, and everything is flying in opposite directions and I have to somehow keep everything neat and tidy.
Why do we do this to ourselves? We are over booked, over used, and overdone. I have put expectations on myself that I’m finding out are harder, and harder to meet. Even knowing if I don’t meet them I will feel like I failed for the day and try just as hard the next to meet these self-imposed expectations. The chaos in my life shows in my house when I have a spontaneous guest drop in for a visit. I run around the house grabbing as many of the misplaced items that I can fit into these arms, and throw them into my bedroom and lock the door. When I pose my children for a picture, I shove the toys out of view. Because I’m so good at faking it most of my friends really believe that my stairs are free of laundry and that my pretty pillows are always puffed up and centered correctly. The delivery man thinks I am an interior decorator, I just know it. Truth is my house is a mess! I have way too many kids to have the magazine picture perfect scene that my heart desires. Coats rarely get hung up; with 14 feet in my house there are shoes at every doorway. Naked Barbies are on the bookshelf, bullets are under the couch cushions and no kidding, ten loads of clean laundry are on my bedroom floor.
I am overdone and burned.
Solutions? Yes. Time for myself whether it is exercise, a quiet bath, a weekend trip or I’m not ashamed, a Zoloft. I have got to take care of me. You have got to take care of you. This is our life and I am missing it running around frantically trying to get everything done and done to perfection. Take time to enjoy the smiles and laughs before it is truly over and done.