By Patsy Kelly
May is a beautiful month, full of promises — flowers, green emerging from brown — new life. No matter. It can still be a wilderness. In grief we live in a wilderness, though our address has not changed and we place our head on the same pillow at night. The familiar has turned into an unknown.
The wilderness of grief does not offer those picturesque signs with a huge map showing trails, landmark and a big, red arrow pointing, “You are here.” No sign, no trails, no arrow. No GPS. We are in a foreign land and even though people recognize us, they fail to realize that we have relocated.
The wilderness is a common trope in literature and scripture. That is because it is part of the hero’s journey. Every hero must take their own journey; and every journey leads through the wilderness. Never mind that you don’t consider yourself a hero. Neither do I. Never mind that you have excused yourself from the invitation to a journey; so have I. Never mind that you have steadfastly refused to enter the wilderness. Same here.
It is not optional. Grief sets us on the path. Here we are.
There seem to be times when going into the wilderness is required. Moses had everything going for him — an adopted member of Pharoah’s family, regaled and wealthy. Then his moral conscience leads him into trouble, and he finds himself in the wilderness. According to the rabbinic tradition, he’s looking for a lost lamb; but who is really lost? He finds a bush burning without being consumed and everything changes. Moses finds a mission and a purpose, and he finds himself.
Jesus is also required to go into the wilderness. There he fasts 40 days and 40 nights. He doesn’t meet a burning bush, but he does meet Satan, who tempts him to misuse his power. Jesus refuses to do this, Satan departs and angels come to tend to Jesus. This is when Jesus finds a mission and a purpose, and he also finds himself.
We grieving folks are not looking for a mission or a new purpose. We are mostly trying to survive. But grief takes us into our own wildernesses. We may be unwilling, fighting against going on the journey. But maybe we find companions along the way, and maybe that makes the journey easier. We find tools to help one another and to help ourselves. We reach out to other people. That becomes a mission and a purpose, and we begin to find ourselves.
For more information about the Grief Group, email griefgroupjax@gmail.com.
