By Clara and Justin Hamel
Over the past several weeks, we have discussed resilience and some of the ways we can strengthen it. We have explored mindfulness, the way we respond to our thoughts and emotions, and the importance of connection. All of these pieces are important parts of resilience, but at the very core of resilience may be something much simpler — trust.
Trust in ourselves. Trust in our ability to face what life brings. Trust that we can make it through difficult times, even when we do not know exactly how we will do it. This is not to suggest we embrace a naive outlook that everything will work out the way we want it to, or that we will face every challenge with strength and confidence. It is suggesting we work toward trusting that when life is difficult, uncertain or painful, we will find a way to move through it.
Life is rarely all roses with no thorns. Most people would like to become stronger without having to experience loss, disappointment, uncertainty, failure, illness or change. We want to build resilience, while hoping we never actually have to use it. Unfortunately, life rarely works that way. Resilience is partially built through experience. It develops and grows as we face difficult things, adapt to what we cannot change and discover that we are capable of moving forward even when things do not go as planned. Many of us can think back to a time we faced something that felt insurmountable, maybe it was the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, financial hardship, a difficult diagnosis or an uncertain career change. You may have wondered how you would possibly have the strength to get through it, but the fact that you are reading this article means you did. Maybe not unscathed by the experience, and maybe not unchanged by it, but you adapted, you kept moving and you found strength you did not know you had. That acknowledgement is powerful.
That does not mean you handled every moment perfectly. You may have cried, worried, lost sleep, made mistakes, needed help or had days when you felt anything but resilient. We sometimes make the mistake of believing that resilience means remaining calm and composed in the middle of adversity. It doesn’t. Resilience is not the absence of struggle. It is our ability to continue moving through it.
One of the problems with anxiety and fear is that they often convince us that discomfort is evidence that we cannot cope. We begin predicting not only that something difficult might happen, but that if it does, we will not be able to handle it.
We spend enormous amounts of energy trying to answer questions that often cannot be answered. Perhaps a more useful question is, “If something difficult happens, can I trust myself to find my way through it?”
Our own history often provides more evidence than we realize. It teaches us about our capacity to endure.
Resilience is not about never feeling shaken or anxious. It is about knowing that being shaken is not the same as being destroyed. There is empowerment in this distinction.
We don’t have to try to control every outcome, or to incessantly question what happens next. We can trust our ability to cope regardless. Trust that you will have the strength to move through difficulties to come not unshaken, but also not destroyed. That is resilience.
**Dr. Justin Hamel and Clara Hamel have a combined over 30 years of experience in health fields. Reach them at 1° Performance & Longevity, located at 46 N. Central Park Plz., Suite 101, in Jacksonville, on Facebook or by phone at 217-243-6358.
